Mike Myers scored his first big-screen hit with 1992's Wayne's World, a based on his best-known skit from Saturday Night Live. A few years later, after scoring more big hits with his Austin Powers franchise, he accepted an offer from Universal Pictures to bring "Dieter", another well known SNL character, to the big screen. Unsatisfied that he could create a "Dieter" film that wouldn't suck, Mike backed out of the deal. Universal Pictures famously took him to court over the matter, in a battle between commerce and artistic integrity.
One can empathize with Myers' view that, as a comedian with integrity, he couldn't take part in pushing an inferior product into theaters for an easy payday. Given recent history however, the current Mike Myers seems a far cry from the Mike Myers who got sued. Aside from his (non-creative) role in the Shrek films, which Myers lucked into after Chris Farley went tits-up, Myers' recent filmography plumbs near-Stallonian depths. In 2002 came Austin Powers: Goldmember, which lacked all the elements that made the original funny but amped up all the unwelcome aspects (e.g. Fat bastard, angry midget, puns without end, Mike Myers singing).
During the game we get a quick profile of Darren: He's known as the "Tiger Woods of hockey", but his game and attitude have suffered since his wife Prudence left him for the goaltender of the L.A. Kings. Prudence is played by Meagan Good, who despite her young age may own the worst filmography of anyone present, having already done Biker Boyz, You Got Served, Stomp the Yard and One Missed Call. I assume that if one sets down to write a shit movie, Meagan will magically appear at your door. The interloper's name is Jacques "Le Coq" Grande, because he has a large, well, you know what. I'll pause a moment for all the laughter to die down from this tower of complex, multileveled humor. Jacques is played by Justin Timberlake and I can honestly say he did no harm to the movie; none of his songs appear on the soundtrack.
The head coach of the Maple Leafs is played by Verne Troyer, who sobered up long enough to pick up another paycheck from Uncle Mike. As Coach Punch Cherkov (<groan>) he is visibly upset at the team's and Darren's recent slump. The Coach is convinced the Leafs can't win as long as Darren's wife is "banging Le Coq". He tells this to the team's owner Miss Bullard. Miss Bullard is played by Jessica Alba, living proof that looks will get you everywhere. If Miss Alba was merely a decent-looking woman rather than supernova/ transwarp/ defcon 5 hot, her dubious track record by now would've relegated her to amateur CGI dreck on the SCI-FI channel. Not that I'm complaining she's here; in fact, the film would've been better served by keeping the camera on her while she writhes around in oil for an hour.
Out of nowhere Miss Bullard says a friend advised her to hire Guru Pitka, who has achieved some measure of fame from self-help books and seminars and has been nicknamed "The Love Guru". We see one of his books, titled 'Does it hurt when you do that? Don't do that!' The camera lingers on the book long enough to ensure even the slowest reader fully enjoys that hilarious title, even though it comes from a Henny Youngman one-liner that even he probably stole from pre-World War I vaudeville.
Myers with an old film reel of the last time he was funny.
You know its bad when you're not even bothered by Justin Timberlake's presence.
To Mike Myers, the penis provides an endless supply of humor...
...oh, and short people are immensely hilarious at all times.
Myers took part in 2003's The Cat in the Hat as a result of the settlement between him and Universal Pictures in their "commerce vs. artistic integrity" court case. Ironically, the film was a crass, stupid piece of shit designed to make a quick buck. After some time spent counting his Shrek riches, Mike unleashed The Love Guru, Razzie winner for the Worst Picture of 2008. Thankfully, he decided to give the Scottish accent a rest; that's about the only thing he reined in for this film though. In most of his interviews, in some of his work on SNL and in the first Wayne's World and Austin Powers films, Mike Myers appears to be a funny, creative guy. After witnessing The Love Guru, it's painfully apparent the well has run drier than a speech by a dehydrated Ben Stein in Death Valley.
The film opens with narration by Morgan Freeman; I can only assume that Myers possesses video of Mr. Freeman raping and skinning penguins. It turns out that Freeman's voice is emanating from a special narration machine spoken into by Myers' character, which I actually found amusing. The good feeling didn't last long, though, as I fully took in our main character, Guru Pitka. Whatever it is that leads Myers' to believe folks find Fat bastard hilarious must also make him believe audiences are ready to embrace an ugly, big-nosed Caucasian analogue to Ravi Shankar.
As Guru Pitka, Myers wastes no time, immediately launching into a contrived penis joke, which I guess is funny because he says "penis". Also, during the five minutes that Mike apparently took to prepare for this role, he seems to have practiced the wrong accent, confusing "stereotypical gay" with "stereotypical Indian". Anyway, Pitka is here to introduce the tale of what he calls "my most resistant student" to us, what I call 'a most resistant audience'. The student is Darren Roanoke, a hockey player who became "my greatest teacher" as Pitka says, before digressing and stating "…or some such bullshit, I dunno." Finally, some truth; the thin story here will be just an outline for Myers trotting out some scatological gags and overdone puns, though his character doesn't go on to admit that part.
We cut to a hockey game, where we see Darren, a star player for the Toronto Maple Leafs. Darren is played by Romany Malco, best known for his supporting roles on The 40-Year Old Virgin and Weeds, so at least he'll still have that to fall back on. Introducing the game are commentators Jay Kell (Stephen Colbert) and Trent Lueders (Jim Gaffigan). Commentator Jay launches into a shtick thanking viewers for their support during his addiction to peyote buttons and frangelico, among other things. This 'unhinged sportscaster' bit might have been funny if I had never seen Necessary Roughness, Major League, Major League II, Slap Shot, Baseketball or The Naked Gun. Like all things Myers, this bit will continue without end.
