Captain, does EVERYONE have to help find your contact lens?
On the return trip, however, both Ben's plane and Eddie are damaged by lightning strikes. As they approach the carrier back east in the Philippine Sea, I take note that its now nighttime there as well. So lets get things straight here... let's say you're in Chicago where its daylight. You head 2 hours west to L.A. where it's dark, which must mean that its morning in Chicago. You return to Chicago and now its night? This film must either take place at the same time Superman spun Earth backwards to save Lois Lane or this film was directed by an undead Ed Wood.
Ben is able to pull it together and land on deck. Eddie also is able to recover and makes an impressive short-stop of a landing, though I don't see why he didn't use his hover landing ability here. Maybe just spending one mission with those three pilots has been enough to turn him into an obnoxious ass too. After checking Eddie's innards, the computer geek informs Ben that his neural network has grown and reveals that Eddie is designed to evolve. Oddly, he's also downloaded every song ever made, which will surely provide an explanation for his freaking out later: I know I can't listen to Michael Bolton without wanting to embark on a violent rampage.
Ben visits Captain Cummings, obviously terrified about Eddie's power to blast the Bay City Rollers at will. He argues in favor of human pilots, which I might agree with if this Navy weren't promoting guys like Ben to the top. Cummings plays it all down and informs him that the pilots will have some R and R in Thailand for now.
Nobody knew the purpose of Apple's new iBall, but bearded geeks loved it anyway.
Stealth: The videogame was scrapped after developers couldn't figure out how to make it suck worse than the film.
Because our next scene is in Thailand, we see monks praying to Buddha and listen to some incoherent chanting on the soundtrack. Having had his fill of monk-watching, Henry heads off but not before running into a conveniently placed young Thai woman for him to get involved with. Ben and Kara go swimming which gives Jessica Biel the opportunity to show off her greatest talents, both the ones on the front and the one on the back. Later, at dinner, Ben and Kara get vaguely romantic before Ben excuses himself, since he knows that pilots hooking up with each other is a no-no. Kara looks confused when he walks away, so I guess she glossed over that chapter in her handbook.
The team's vacation is cut short and they're back on the ship to try to stop a nuclear crisis. Cummings informs them that a local warlord has stirred trouble in Tajikistan, "one of those breakaway countries that used to be part of the Soviet Union". He says the warlord took some missiles, but doesn't say they're "those long pointy things that are sent to make things explode", giving the pilots credit for knowing that, at least.
The Director was only trying to compliment her by saying she'd be popular at Hooters.
Despite Ben's objections, Eddie joins them again for the mission. Suddenly, we're shown a map of the board game Risk. Oops, sorry, that was a lame attempt by the filmmakers to hammer home to the idiots in the audience what part of the world we're in. At the warlord's mountain fortress, we see that, indeed, he has some of those pointy things. A bunch of guys fire their guns in the air, because that's what terrorists do. Kara notices that hundreds of farmers in the area would suffer from radioactive fallout if they blow up the nukes so pussy-whipped Ben orders an abort. Eddie has no interest in Kara's booty so he stays on mission and plays noisy music. Reluctantly, the rest of the pilots follow and destroy the fortress and the nukes. The fallout smoke engulfs a nearby town and we see the folks there running in fear so start lighting those candles at home.
Ben yells at Eddie for not listening to his order. Eddie retorts by stating he learned its okay to disobey orders from the stunt Ben pulled over Rangoon. Over Rangoon? No, I think I'll never get over it. Sorry, was thinking of a good movie. Eddie has had enough of Ben's blathering, telling him "you don't get it", followed by Eddie shutting down his comm-link and leaving the group for some unknown destination.
At a loss to figure out Eddie, Cummings calls Doctor Orbit, the computer genius who designed the aircraft. Doctor Orbit lives in Seattle, because all middle-aged computer geniuses live in Washington State. Too bad that 'possession of originality' is a criminal offense in Hollywood. The three human pilots scout around for Eddie's exact location, eventually figuring out he's heading toward Russia, which drives Captain Dick nuts (sorry). Henry and Kara close in on Eddie, while Ben, further away, says he'll join them in about 2 minutes. Henry says 1 minute is better, because he considers the number 1 lucky, as it's a prime number. Apparently, Henry was able to become an elite pilot without benefit of grammar school, where he'd have learned that, even in contemporary times, '1' is still not considered a prime number.
'Rock' always beats 'Plane'. Henry should've tried 'Paper'.
Henry gets on Eddie's tail and orders him to return home. Eddie refuses, stating that he is built to destroy the enemy. Then he tells Henry to "leave me alone". Eddie must've listened in on Henry's prime number baloney and concluded that whatever comes out of his mouth is retarded. Dumbass Henry now puts even more doubt into the Navy's pilot selection process by firing a missile almost point blank at Eddie. The missile misses anyway and Henry does a mind-meld with the side of a mountain, lots of boo-hoos and meaningful stares all around. Dick gives Cummings a hard time, asking him if he knew that Eddie could screw up like this beforehand; Cummings basically tells him that shit happens.
Kara develops some trouble with her jet and has to discontinue the chase; she eventually ejects and parachutes over North Korea. For another geography lesson, take note that the chase started over Tajikistan and Kara, chasing north, did not yet enter Russian airspace. For her to have to bail over North Korea would've required her to fly northeast (not in the direction of the carrier she tried to head toward) for more than 3000 miles. I suppose that $130 million budget for this film was already spent before anyone realized a map of Asia, as well as a map of its time zones, might've come in handy.
It turns out Eddie has headed toward a handy US Navy refueling airship. The fueling hose denied Eddie access, so he shoots off the connector and plugs in to the frayed, leaky hose, which helpfully doesn't whip around erratically despite moving hundreds of MPH while in the upper atmosphere. If you recall that Eddie runs on methane, not gasoline, you have a better memory than the filmmakers do. Ben shows up shortly afterward to fuel his own jet but Eddie ignites a ring of gasoline he created in the air (I don't know if that's possible, but I have my doubts). Eddie taunts him, saying "You are angry because EDI is the whole idea." You got served, Ben! Sorry, no need for me to bring up another bad movie. He is able to escape, however, in one piece.
