Hollywood fails geography.
Celebrity Jamie Foxx gets a sneak peek at Civilization VII.
I wanted to like this movie; it had a plot I found interesting: an AI-controlled fighter jet adapts and learns to the point where it makes completely independent decisions, while Naval officers have to find a way to stop it. Problem is, I watched the movie. Stealth provides a perfect example of the sorry state of big-budgeted action films today. This movie's dialogue is filled with painful clichés and the screenplay is in dire need of a geography teacher's advice. On top of that, the film is piled full of major plot holes and obvious CGI. The director, Rob Cohen, is no stranger to plot holes and lame CGI, having previously directed XXX and The Fast and the Furious. As it turns out, both of those films have air-tight plots compared to Stealth.
We begin with a message that we are in the near future (if only Criswell could see how far we've come!) and a new, advanced weapon has been developed to combat enemy targets around the world. No, it isn't Gigli on blu-ray, its called the 'Talon' jet fighter. We learn that 400 pilots applied to take part in training for the 'Talon' but only 3 were accepted. I'd have thought the US Navy would want more than 3 pilots that know how to use their revolutionary new fighter but maybe I'm an overcautious person.
Moving on to a Talon training exercise in the Nevada desert, we meet our three pilots who are also our leads. They fire both missiles and painful clichés in rapid succession. Kira (Jessica Biel, best known for having an ass) yells "Gotcha!" as she destroys a truck. Henry (Jamie Foxx, who you wouldn't think won an Oscar by watching him here) destroys something and proclaims, "Now that's how you do it!" Ben (Josh Lucas, who used to be in good films) compliments Henry by telling him "That was shit hot!"
Back at base, Captain Cummings (Sam Shepard) informs the trio of their immediate assignment to a carrier in the Philippine Sea, where they'll be joined by a new, fourth team member. The team is confused, as they seem to have thought the Navy consisted of just the three of them blowing up shit in Nevada. Henry is apprehensive, because 4 isn't a prime number but his nonsensical objection is disregarded. Alone, Cummings calls and chats with a shadowy CIA guy (aren't they all) who takes his job title seriously enough to always sit in shadows. At a bar, Ben and Henry smooch some girls while Kara drinks and tries to stay professional. Ben's girl says she's "gotta go pee pee". Discussing recent developments, Ben asks Henry and Kara "You know what I think?" then all three of them say "Don't think, drink!" which may be our screenwriter's motto. With that, useless scene number one ends. Next, we see them dancing at a club, which I think is a required scene in Rob Cohen-directed films. Anyway, after a few seconds of that, useless scene number two comes to a close.
Over we go to the USS Abraham Lincoln in the Philippine Sea. Our heroes walk on deck in heroic slow-motion; well, it would be heroic if they were about to begin or just finished some vital mission but who needs editors? That night, Ben and Captain Cummings observe as the fourth team member shows up. It's a slightly different-looking Talon that can hover into a landing, like a harrier jet. Remember that feature for later.
The EDI, as its called, is revealed to have an empty cockpit, as it runs on artificial intelligence and talks like Hal from 2001 (Ahh, I miss good movies). The commanding officer strolls out; he is Captain Dick Marshfield, played by Joe Morton, who used to be in good action films. Old friends Dick and Cummings greet each other. Keep your mind out of the gutter unlike the screenwriter. Because the EDI has a complex computer mind, a computer geek is stationed on the ship to monitor its system. Of course the geek wears a t-shirt and has unkempt hair; no young person with a neat appearance could ever be a computer expert, could they? The geek informs Captain Cummings and Ben about some of the details, including the fact that Eddie (as they will call it) runs on methane gas. Remember that feature for later too.
Our three leads receive dossiers to read which reveal further details about Eddie. Ben states that EDI stands for "extreme deep invader", a rather convoluted and unrealistic name but worth it so it can allow Henry to reply "I've been called that a few times!" I wish this movie would make up its mind whether it wants to be a bad action film or a bad comedy.
Each pilot sits in their quarters to read more fun facts about Eddie. Unsurprisingly, both Ben and Kara listen to whiny modern rock as they read, while Henry listens to some funk. Henry dances to the music as he reads, going so far as to put on shades and twirl a basketball. Maybe on the director's cut they could fit in some more stereotypes. Even though he's alone, Henry talks and shines a flashlight on himself as if he's performing. Was he really one of the 3 chosen out of 400 applicants for his position? He must have secret naked pictures of an Admiral. Ben visits Kara and blabbers some sob story about a foster mom. He then exchanges meaningful glances with Kara, because Hollywood knows that a handsome male and pretty female cannot possibly work together without developing a relationship.
Geez Ben, at least take EDI out to dinner first!
For lack of a better idea, Jamie breaks out his Ray persona in an effort to improve the film.
The next day the trio takes off for their first exercise with Eddie. Dick reveals he objected to the idea of AI jets, but Cummings reassures him. Eddie greets the other pilots by saying "It is good to be part of the squadron". Ben, as team leader, retorts with, "Well then, let the schoolin' begin!" I can't wait for Eddie to freak out and start blasting these obnoxious asses. Prematurely, Cummings (sorry) informs them that there is an emergency, so the team has to go to Rangoon, Myanmar. It has been learned that the heads of three terrorist cells are about to meet there to plan an "imminent attack on US soil". I can only guess the meeting will be a very short one if the attack is imminent.
The pilots move, from bright skies over the Philippine Sea, to a busy evening scene in Rangoon, two time zones to the west. I'll give the film the benefit of the doubt for now, just figuring their exercise took off, say, 6 in the morning and that folks in Rangoon do their shopping around 4 a.m. Eddie confirms that the building of the meeting contains only the terrorists. In order to effectively destroy the strongly built structure, one of the pilots will have to do a very fast nosedive to deliver an implosion missile. Such a maneuver, Eddie reports, carries a 73% chance of blackout. The commanders suggest that Eddie perform the maneuver as he isn't prone to blackout (proving he doesn't use AOL), but stubborn Ben proceeds to do it. Instead of rightly blacking out and crash landing in Rangoon like a dart, Ben successfully completes the job.
