At Rocky's house, Apollo chats with the gang and informs them that he plans to un-retire so he can fight big bad Drago. This still being the first half of the film (unfortunately!), Adrian opines that she doesn't see the point, other than to get hurt, which is Adrian's raison d' etre in the first half of every Rocky from II to V, before changing her mind for the final showdown. Next it's time for another... oh God, I want that robot to die. The robot comes in with a beer for Paulie and talks to him seductively in its new female voice. Paulie eats ice cream and wears a wife-beater for extra class. Of the robot he exclaims, "That's my girl!". It's not so much like seeing a Rocky movie than it is a mixed-up dream one might have the night after watching a Rocky movie and eating some spoiled vegetables. As the robot leaves, Paulie states with all seriousness, "She loves me." The robot answers, "You're the greatest. See you, sport!" All sorts of horrid images come to mind. This is the visual equivalent of nails on a chalkboard. Thankfully, Apollo resumes talking and makes the potential fight a political case, stating that the Soviets are "...tryin' to make us look bad!" I think your anger is misdirected, Apollo... the Soviets didn't write the script. Adrian finishes the rest of her complaining then heads off to make coffee like your typical ignored housewife.
Later, Rocky and Apollo are alone in the dark. I'm starting to wonder about them, taking into account part III where they hugged and splashed in the ocean in loving slo-mo. They sit near a film projector which is playing a film of... their old fights. Whew, I was getting worried! Apollo looks a little sad about retirement, saying "Once you step out of the ring, you're ancient history." Rocky tries to convince Apollo that it isn't Ivan Drago he's fighting but rather his own unhappy self. Apollo brushes this off by joking "I think you really are getting brain damaged!" So, Apollo finally learned that it was Stallone who wrote the screenplay. He asks Rocky to be in his corner for the upcoming fight, to which he agrees. Thankfully, events move a little more quickly from here, due to the fact that the audience knows Spider Rico has as much of a chance to beat Drago as Apollo does. After all, why would Rocky fight Drago in the well-advertised climax if Apollo were to wipe the floor with him first?
At the press conference for the upcoming bout, Creed is his old cocky self, saying that he wants to show that Russia doesn't have all the best athletes. Wifey Ludmilla continues to do Ivan's talking for him, if only so Brigitte Nielsen could have a larger role in the film. Manager Snidely puts on his best scowl as he calls Apollo an old has-been. A little melee ensues with lots of pushing and yelling; Ivan gives Apollo a strong shove. After the room has cleared, Drago angrily punches and knocks down a life-sized cardboard cutout of Apollo. Is Ivan that dense or is it ironic foreshadowing? Maybe both! Anyway, we'll get enough irony coming up so that even a foreign dog watching the film would know what's going to happen soon.
We shift to Las Vegas for the showdown, where the bout is being called a "Goodwill Exhibition Match". The irony hammer has begun to strike in earnest. Sly walks into the training room sporting a comfortable-looking sweater if only to let us know that Hugo Boss's advertising dollars are being spent. He urges Apollo to postpone the fight so they can train for a couple extra weeks. Great timing Rock, ask him to postpone 10 minutes before the fight is to begin. On top of that, way to pump up Apollo's confidence! Apollo refuses to postpone, worried that some other fighter will step in to face Drago instead. He tells Rocky, "You'll KNOW when it's over". The irony hammer smashes through the wall.
In Drago's room, manager Snidely yells "Ivan!" then bumps his fists together, letting the grunting Drago know its time to go. From the animalistic way the Soviets treat Ivan, I wonder if he can understand any language at all. Maybe to prepare for his role, Dolph was made to observe Mongo in Blazing Saddles. By the way, Ivan wears something that can't really be called a robe so much as a half ladies' satin kimono; maybe it's meant to be a jacket that's a bit too long or a robe that's WAY TOO FUCKING SHORT. While walking through the audience upstairs, Ludmilla greets Apollo's wife, telling her, "I hope we can be friends (afterwards)", before belting her with the irony hammer. Anyway, Drago stands in the dark, underground boxing ring. Suddenly, the roof opens up and a spotlight shines on him. The ring slowly rises as we hear James Brown sing "Living in America", the only original tune in this film that's aged well. Drago wears a look of annoyed confusion as he sees a plethora of lights, decorations, American flags, singers and gaudily dressed dancers. I'll give the film points for this scene, as it does a neat job contrasting the best and worst of American glitz with Soviet solemnity. Apollo, dressed similarly to his "Uncle Sam" get up in part I (Wow, I really miss that movie) dances a bit as he is slowly lowered down to the ring while standing in front of a giant sculpture of a bull with steam coming from the nostrils. I'm guessing the studio gave the filmmakers a pretty free hand here, budget-wise.
Rocky, Paulie, and Apollo's trainer Duke (the only actor in this film that actually had a real-life pro boxing career) walk out side-by-side, all laughably sporting Hugo Boss sweaters in a variety of colors. You half-expect a graphic to appear in the bottom of the screen saying "Buy two get one free, until Sunday!" Stu Nahan returns once again as commentator for the match as the music winds down. Apollo happily proclaims, "God, I feel born again!" Wow, the irony hammer is threatening to collapse the entire building now. We see Adrian in the audience, her usual worrywart face in full bloom. Apollo and all his nicknames are introduced, including "The Count of Monte Fisto", perhaps the awesomest moniker to come out of all the Rocky films. I must admit, even though this movie is crap, it does provide some fun. Ivan Drago is introduced and gets roundly booed by the wealthy capitalist swine crowd. He says to Apollo "You vil lose." before slamming his gloves down on his.
The fight finally starts and Apollo smiles while dancing and throwing jabs at Ivan. After a short bit of this, Drago's trainer yells, "Drago!" or somesuch and Ivan begins to let loose on Creed's noggin. As per usual in the Rocky films, the antagonist's punches don't sound like real boxing punches but more like acres of Giant Sequoia trees exploding under the impact of city-sized meteors. Apollo quickly turns into a bloody mess; during the carnage, Snidely takes a drag off a cigarette then holds it for Ludmilla to take a drag, like they get off on this stuff! Damn you freaky Soviets! Drago continues to toss around and pound on Creed. Given that whole 1850-psi nonsense about Drago's punches, Apollo's head should have splattered like a water balloon already, but he just barely hangs in until the end of the round.
While the bloody Apollo catches his breath, Rocky tries convince him to throw in the towel. Creed won't hear of this and makes Rocky promise not to, telling him, "Don't stop this fight no matter what... NO MATTER WHAT!" The irony hammer has now achieved nuclear capability. The bell rings and Apollo stands, taking one last (oops, sorry) look at his teary wife. Drago promptly smashes Apollo some more, even pushing the ref out of the way to do so... you dirty Swedish Russkie! Trainer Duke screams at Rocky to throw in the towel and end the carnage but Rocky holds on to it, even though Apollo probably thinks he's a magic pumpkin right now. This gives Drago enough time to land one more big punch in slo-mo into Apollo's head. Apollo collapses and the match is over. Rocky runs into the ring to hold his head (or what's left of it) while all the "good guys" wear horrified looks. Like in most Rocky films and unlike all real-life boxing matches, no doctors are available to help. Creed buys the farm while Rocky sorrowfully looks up at the humanity. Ludmilla smiles while Drago looks psychotic, saying "If he dies, he dies!" Damn you, all you Scandinavian Soviets!
For the second time in two films, Rocky eulogizes a buddy. I wouldn't get too friendly with Rock if I were in your shoes trainer Duke, and Adrian, the clock is ticking on you! If only that robot were to build a closer relationship with Rocky... A short while after the funeral, it turns out Rocky will indeed fight Drago, surprise, surprise. Since the boxing commission has refused to sanction the fight, Rocky has to forfeit his heavyweight title. Finally, we have reached the point of the film that was not already given away by the theatrical trailer. These days, most film trailers give away at least the first hour of their story but it was a bit rarer of a thing to do back then.
At the press conference for Rocky's upcoming showdown with Drago, Snidely brags some more about his fighter, calling him the "Most perfectly trained athlete ever" as well as the coolest, awesomest, most scrumptilicious pile of sweaty muscle in the history of the universe. Well not exactly that last part, but one gets the feeling Snidely thinks about Drago when he's all alone in the bathroom. Its announced that the fight will take place in the Soviet Union on Christmas day, which is simply a day like any other to those godless heathen bastards. The reporters do lots of harumph-ing and get confrontational with the Soviets. Ludmilla tells them she fears for hubby Ivan's life. She claims Americans believe they're good and the Soviets are bad while Snidely calls the U.S. government antagonistic and violent. Takes one to know one you shifty commie! Snidely may have some honest, logical points to make but is constantly undermined by his furious mugging; even at rest he looks five seconds away from explosive diarrhea. To defend America, Paulie stands up and chips in his simple-minded pap. Thanks for nothing as usual, Paulie. I liked you better as a deranged insecure alcoholic. To finish things off, Snidely goes into full-blown cartoon villain mode. WIth a throbbing face and gasping-for-breath voice, he blares that Drago's upcoming victory will serve as "... an ex-aah-mple of how pat-et-ikly veek your society hass become! Vee go!" With that, the eeeevil, nasty, seat-sniffing Soviets make their exit. If Snidely ever loses his job, he could move into pro wrestling management.
