After some more thrilling footage of a river being crossed and some annoyed elephants, the film begins cutting to the chase. Greg is finally revealed; he is alive and well and painting a picture of a Gorilla. An arrow hits the Gorilla picture, fired by Zita, our Amazon Queen. Apparently, Zita and Greg are an item as they exchange 'cute' banter, the sort spoken by young couples that haven't yet experienced paying bills and sharing a bathroom. Zita, while predictably young and cute, fails to impress as some great fearsome warrior; she comes off more as a ditzy college girl with a speech impediment and drug-induced imagination. Anyway, she approaches one of her pet lions and discovers he has a bullet wound. Concerned, Zita declares in her not-so-good Lili Von Shtupp accent, "It's a boolet wound and boolets mean stwrangeuurs!"
Shooting fake gorillas spells romance!
Back to the slowest-moving search party in history. Three native warriors in facepaint appear and hand a note to Gary. The note is from Zita: "Only three of your party may proceed to my camp". The three warriors will guide the party there, which is a good idea, as Gary would otherwise camp out seven times on the way there. Gary and the Colonel decide to be among the three visitors to Zita's camp. Jean and Gary pointlessly argue about whether she can go, until Jean finally gets her way. We see the cook Gabby, if only to remind us he's still in the film. He tells his pet monkey "This is no place for monkeys Polo, let's get out of here!" and leaves, as this is no place for comic-relief jackasses, either.
In a big, comfortable looking hut, Queen Zita has her hair done by fellow young white Amazon chick Sugi. Loverboy Greg walks in and exchanges more fluffy chat with Zita. Greg exposits that he's heading to some local meeting of tribes as her representative. Before leaving, he asks that Zita keep the visitors there until he returns, as he looks forward to seeing his dad and ex-fiance again. Zita is wary of strangers entering her camp but agrees to keep them around.
Soon enough, Zita greets the Colonel, Gary, and Jean. Gary wants to know why everyone in Greg's safari was killed except for Greg. Zita responds that "My worriers rezent strangeurrs." Gary seems to accept this response. Yeah, those killings happened months ago, so apologies aren't even needed at this point, I guess. Zita claims that Greg is not a prisoner, but remains here of his own free will. Zita apparently forgets that she hates strangers; She cheerfully invites the party into her big hut, telling them to "make yourselves comfortable" before asking if they'd enjoy some refreshments. If she's this hospitable and humble toward hated strangers, I can only imagine how good Greg has it; no wonder he wants to stay here.
We Venusians demand all your copper! ... Oops! Sorry guys, thats from my role next week.
Eventually, the first wrench gets thrown into the mix as Zita and Jean exchange some catty remarks: "Gweg told me all about choo", "Really?" ,"Weally." Speaking alone to Jean, Zita declares that Greg is in love with her and she loves him back. She tries to convince Jean to give him up, telling her that Greg "pwomised to mawwy you and men are stew-pid when bound by such pwomises!" I have to admit, Zita makes sense every now and then. Jean seems to agree to give him up and be friends with Zita and they both seem content. Then, Zita unnecessarily declares, "I would have had choo killed wrather than give him up!" Obviously, Zita never learned the marketing tenet "Don't sell what's already sold".
Interrupting the proceedings is the old professor, having been captured and brought inside by two more Amazons. Apparently he was studying bugs on the outskirts of the camp and…. uggh, its all time-wasting pap and the characters don't even care. Zita keeps working on Jean, urging her to hook up with Gary since she assumes they've developed a liking for each other on their long journey and many hours together. Jean seems to think it a good idea, so I guess Gary was actually on to something by dragging this trip on for so many days.
Gary presses Zita about the ivory poachers that Greg was investigating before his brain moved into his pants. Zita brags that she knows everything going on in the jungle but will only give up the name of the murderous ivory ringleader in exchange for her anonymity. Before they can go any further, the shadowy evil guy from way back shows up. To be more exact, it appears he had already been standing in the room with several warriors before Gary and Zita noticed. To be even more exact, neither Gary nor Zita noticed until the shadowy guy started talking.
Finally stepping out of the shadows, we learn that the evil ivory poaching guy is… Gabby the cook! At least now there was a point to Gabby being in the film. The downside, of course, is that we have to see more of Gabby in the film. He holds Gary and Zita at gunpoint while his warriors surround them. Gabby admits that he killed Wayne and Bombo, figuratively I believe, as I can't picture Gabby in a lion suit outrunning and pouncing on Bombo. In addition, he now plans to kill Zita for selling him out. He has the tribesmen take all of the men outside to be killed while he holds his gun on Zita and Jean.
"I've had enough of your monkey-spanking jokes!"
Outside, Gary, the Colonel, and the Professor use their wits, such as they are, to overtake the men guarding them. Just as that happens, the 'good' natives invade the camp and fight with the 'bad' natives. I think the 'good' ones all wear rolled-up trousers while the 'bad' ones have warrior paint, but its hard to tell as everyone mostly runs around willy-nilly. For some reason, huts are lit on fire. The action intensifies, I think, because we hear more of that orchestral 'tribal music'.
The Colonel and the Professor hide from the gunplay and tossed-spears behind a small hut. The worried Colonel is surprised to see the Professor excited about seeing some rare insect in the straw of the hut, which I must admit, amused me. Greg shows up, back from his tribal council. He's not carrying a torch, so I assume he just got voted out of Survivor. He works his way over to the Colonel, and father and son casually greet each other. Greg claims he sent many messages out to his family and to Jean, so the Colonel surmises that they were all blocked by Gabby. Uh-oh, Gabby, you do not want to piss off the postal service!
Inside Zita's big hut, Gabby menacingly blabbers nonsense poetry at Zita and Jean. He grabs a spear and tosses it at Zita, intending to kill her. It only pierces her dress, pinning her against the wall. Oddly, Gabby doesn't try again, or maybe he assumes Zita's dead, or… review running too long. Far too long. Gabby now grabs a long knife and heads for Jean.
Before Gabby gets a chance to ruin Jean's clothing as well, Gary comes in and jumps on an obvious stand-in for Gabby. The actor playing Gabby must've really been fragile; how physically demanding is it to stand still and let someone fall on you? Anyway, Gary and (a much taller and thinner than Gabby) stunt double wrestle and throw punches in that corny way that Captain Kirk would perfect a couple of decades later.
