That night, which was actually shot to look like night, Shalimar makes her way back to the royal palace. Upon seeing her, King Toranshah is so excited his mouth unloads a rapid-fire burst of exposition: "Shalimar my dear what are you doing back in Taj; I was planning to join you at the summer palace right after the fast of Ramadan!" She explains that the Assassins are getting closer if not whiter and fatter and about Elvis being forced to try and presumably slap the King around like he was a fake leopard.
The next day, Elvis and Zacha mill around a town square, which is replete with merchants, dancers, camels and horses. It looks like they actually spent some money on this film, at least set-decoration wise. Three colorfully dressed women play tambourines while a guy bangs on a drum. A crowd gathers to watch them kill a couple minutes of running time but don't feel moved enough to offer the girls donations. Billy Barty (!) also shows up, roaming around the crowd to do some pick pocketing. Either stricken by a sudden case of sympathy or feeling the hots for the three dancing chicks, Elvis steps in, grabs a tambourine and joins their performance. Appropriately enough, he sings 'Shake the Little Tambourine'. Of course, the crowd loves it and the donations pile up.
Unfortunately the song gets broken up when Billy Barty, as Baba, is spotted by one of his robbery victims. The crowd scatters and lots of allegedly humorous chasing ensues. Some guys with knives appear but Elvis breaks out more of his benign yet effective karate chops to subdue them. Elvis and Zacha run past a couple of orphaned kids who help throw stones at their pursuers; they must have emigrated from Palestine or Seattle. They all make their way into a stone building called "The Palace of Jackals", where the three dancers, the drummer and the two orphans live. Zacha, who has now gone from calling Elvis "noble client" to "valuable client", continues to irritate everyone with every word. He informs the gang that Elvis is rich. It turns out that the women, named Sapphire, Emerald and Amethyst, are owned by Zacha. They refer to him as "the root of all evil" in a bit of an overstatement; I just think of him as the root of comedic pain. They ask Elvis if he can buy them from Zacha. Right now though, he's more interested in finding 'Yanni'... he should check the bargain bin at Wal-mart!
Pretty much out of nowhere, the little orphan girl Sari begins dancing for Elvis. She shakes her little hips and looks at him suggestively. Now, I know that this scene is completely innocent. Watching through modern cynical eyes however, a 9-year old girl trying to dance sexily in front of a grown man gives me the creeps! It doesn't help that Elvis starts singing lines like "Hey little girl you sure look cute to me... come up a little closer so I can see... Hey little girl, you lookin' fine!" Eww!!! Then again, Elvis reportedly fell in love with future wife Priscilla when she was only 14, so... Eww!!!
Later, while everyone sleeps, evil Aishah sneaks inside the building and kisses Elvis awake. Sorry Aishah but given the previous scene, you're about twenty years too old for him. It turns out that Zacha tipped off the Assassins as to where Elvis was... good, now maybe there's a chance Zacha will receive a painfully deadly comeuppance later! (Sadly, it was not to be.) Elvis looks mad at Zacha's treachery for a couple of seconds then seems okay. I suppose he's too busy feeling ashamed for dimly trusting a guy who freely admitted he worked for the Assassins. Lord Sinan and some of his Munster goons walk in and join Aishah; they are still hell-bent on forcing Elvis to go kill King Toranshah. She tells Elvis "Unless you obey my master and kill with your skilled hands, the lives of these orphans will be forfeited!" Once again, why do the Assassins need help in offing someone? Why do they still think Elvis' action movies are real? Why do I expect these questions to receive answers?
Over at the royal palace, sad-looking Shalimar visualizes Elvis' face in her bath. It's not as dumb as Bella visualizing Edward in Twilight: New Moon but silly nonetheless. It turns out that even hallucinated images of Elvis can sing, too, as he starts belting out a tune about granting her silver trinkets and rubies and such. The song ends and Shalimar probably wonders who snuck some wacky tabacky into her hookah. The King walks in to break up her malaise; soon afterwards Prince Dragna enters the room. He's there to deliver some bad news, telling the King that the royal forces have not been able to capture the Assassins in their hideout; it seems someone tipped them off beforehand. The King looks uneasy but Prince Dragna declares "I'm certain there are no traitors in the palace!" He may as well say "Yeah, it's me, what are you waiting for, stupid?" Shalimar tells the Prince "The protection of my father comes first with you, uncle; I honor you for it." Can we just end the movie now? This isn't quite a mystery of The Maltese Falcon proportions here.
Back at the Palace of Jackals, Aishah lays out the Assassins' task for Elvis. He will be disguised and placed inside the royal palace during the feast. She assures him that Sinan has promised not to harm the orphans or the dancers as long as he follows through on killing the King. She brags that, "In over a thousand years no leader of the Assassins has violated a promise!" Yeah right. Anyway, we cut to the palace, where Elvis is disguised in a head wrap and robe. Zacha sits next to him as they watch the King get entertained by Baba, who jumps around like a coked-up monkey. Some security they have in this royal palace; it's a wonder the crown doesn't change hands every few months. The three dancing girls perform for the king, if only to kill a few more minutes and build up the suspense to nearly mediocre levels. This whole scene has the look and feel of a half-assed Star Trek episode. Finally, upon Zacha's prompting, Elvis walks toward the King. He looks uneasy, in a 'He's got to barf but may not reach the toilet in time' way. At the last moment, Princess Shalimar recognizes Elvis from behind a bead curtain and screams. Elvis is grabbed by some guards and taken away despite his protests that he meant no harm. Zacha and the dancers are also arrested but little Baba is able to sneak away.
That night, Elvis peers out of his jail cell, looking as forlorn and sleepy as ever. What can he do to get out of this sad situation? Re-focus on his music career for one. Oh, about his sad situation in the film? If you don't know by now then you don't know Elvis movies. He sings some blather about being "So close, yet so far" as the dancing girls and Zacha sit around looking equally deflated. Once the song ends, Zacha whines about how they should've kidnapped Princess Shalimar back when they were at the Pool of Omar. Since Zacha got everyone into this mess in the first place, Elvis should be playing jump rope with his intestines but he only looks mildly perturbed at him, like Zacha ate his last donut or something. Elsewhere in the palace, little Baba sneaks around and knocks out some dumb guards. He eventually makes his way to the jail cell and frees everyone. They get outside the palace but Elvis and Baba elect to go back, in order to speak to the King.
In her chamber, Princess Shalimar gets consoled by her father. She doubts Elvis truly meant to do him any harm and admits she's fallen in love, having known the guy for a grand total of about six minutes. Elvis climbs down into the room from a rope through the ceiling's hole. Once again, great security protocols in this royal palace. Good thing they don't have automobiles, they'd probably leave all the windows open with the keys in the ignition. Elvis explains to the King that he loves Shalimar and was just playin' with the whole assassination attempt business. The King is remarkably understanding; he must have been smitten by Elvis' pearly eyes as well. Elvis says he's learned that someone in the palace is working with Sinan to try to kill the King; he has an idea of how to expose the traitor though. As part of his plan, a palace alarm gong is sounded; the Captain of the guards tells Prince Dragna the King has gone missing, bloodstains were found on the royal bed, and Elvis has escaped.
Back at the Palace of Jackals, something finally causes my face to break out in a smile: Zacha is getting whipped by the Assassins. It turns out the Assassins are blaming him for the King not being dead; I blame him for his hammy blathering but whatever gets him whipped is fine by me. Unfortunately, the torture scene is cut short when Prince Dragna arrives; He informs Lord Sinan that the King is indeed dead. Elvis, Shalimar, Baba and the King have followed the Prince here and observe as the entire plot is revealed. Prince Dragna and Sinan congratulate each other on their dastardly deeds. Next, Sinan makes the Prince squirm as he states he is fully aware of the Prince's plan to get rich by drilling the land for oil. They argue then the Prince gets subdued by the Munster goons. Sinan says that he is now the true ruler of Lunacan and the Prince will be his puppet. The Prince is taken away then Sinan decides to have the dancers, orphans and Zacha killed because they know too much. So much for that thousand-year-old Assassin tradition of not breaking promises; if you can't trust a power-hungry assassin whom can you trust?
