Eegah, who just continually mumbles whenever on-screen, grabs Roxy again, this time to look at his wall etchings. Roxy spots one drawing in particular and excitedly states "Look at this drawing! It's me in my car!" Though it's true in the film, it's a stretch; the drawing could pass as a bunch of different things. We cut over to Tom again, who yells "Roxy" four times.
Now that we've been reminded that Tom's still in the film (unfortunately), we return to the cave. Dad now pulls another theory right out of his ass, saying "I wouldn't be a bit surprised if the sulfur in all these walls isn't what kept these giants alive all these years!" Interesting idea, Dad; now maybe you can explain why, out of all these super-long living giants, there's only one left. Eegah spends about 40 seconds motioning for Roxy to lie down. Dad, almost smiling, tells Roxy "Here it comes!" Wh-what? Holy shit, Dad is worse than those creepy parents who add their preschool daughters into beauty pageants! I can only imagine what sort of weirdness Marilyn Manning dealt with in real life, being Arch Hall Sr.'s secretary!
To return the film to respectability, we cut away to a shot of two little lizards, who appear to have just finished doing the deed. Now on to another bit of uselessness as we watch Tom slowly wake up from a nap under a tree. We spend an entire minute watching him stand up, drink from a bottle, put some water on his face and arms, sit in his dune buggy, then start it up. I guess that bit of time-wasting was to satisfy the hordes of women lusting after Arch Hall Jr.'s incredibleness.
Eegah leaves the cave for a bit so Dad wakes up Roxy, telling her to go see if the outer rock has been moved away. He also feels a bit of pain and asks for his aspirin (ME FIRST!). Now is the really thrilling part: Roxy looks around for the aspirin for a while before Dad reveals "the aspirin's in that small packet..." and to "give me two". Roxy lets out a bombshell of her own: "Drink a lot of water, it'll give you strength!" The tension never ends in this film! The dubbing during that heart-pounding sequence was particularly awful, by the way.
Outside it appears to get dark again; I can only imagine what other adventures Dad put Roxy through during the day. Tom pulls over next to another mountain, heaven knows what the hell he's been doing all damn day; probably drilled for some oil to slap on his ridiculous hair. Anyway, he gets out of the buggy and grabs his shotgun. Exciting music plays while Tom... slowly walks up a hill.
Back in the cave YET AGAIN, the creepiness continues as Roxy shaves her dad's face!?! Okay, three things: 1. It isn't like Dad looked like Grizzly Adams so why the hell does he care about having a smooth face... here… now? 2. When he left for his hike, he brought no weapon and virtually no water but packed a fucking shaver and shaving cream? 3. They must realize that nosy Eegah is going to return and notice the shaving then will be a pain in the ass wanting to get involved with it.
Outside, Eegah returns to the cave with some flowers in hand. Thank goodness it was only 1962, or else I might have had to endure some even worse 'cavemen are ancient hippies' subplot. Its bright outside again, so I'll just disregard mentioning the time of day for a while, since the folks making the film didn't think it was important. Tom is wandering around nearby, in the wrong direction of course.
Dad notices that Eegah is coming back somehow and comes up with a plan to distract him so Roxy can escape. About time! I thought he was going to ask Roxy to give Eegah a lap dance next. Roxy refuses to leave Dad behind though: "I'm not gonna leave you to get your head bashed in; my father didn't raise me that way!" Right, Roxy; he raised you to be a caveman's plaything while he enjoyably watches; get away from both of them! Eegah gets inside the cave and sees Roxy shaving Dad's face. Roxy loses her brain once more as she smiles and says "He brought me flowers!" Dad notices Eegah's interest in the whole shaving deal so he returns to creepy mode, encouraging Roxy to whistle and sing.
Roxy finishes up shaving her Dad (ughh... it feels nasty just typing that) and is obviously not using a real razor; she wipes the blade sideways on her hand and blood doesn't start gushing out. She notices that Eegah seems to want a shave next. Ever-protective Dad tells her "Good! Give it to him!"; words not often said by a father to his daughter.
In yet another scene that goes on for WAAAY too damn long, Roxy cuts Eegah's beard then shaves his face. Be thankful that I kept my description short; now I have to take a moment to pull my head back up from in-between my shoulders; this movie isn't good for one's neck.
For once, I'm relieved to see Tom and his useless self. Tom shouts "Roxy!" a few times. A scene of a small lizard wandering around is intercut with this. Does this mean something? Of course not! What do you think this is, Raging Bull? The film, realizing that nothing continues to happen around Tom, cuts back inside. Freshly shaved Eegah checks himself out in a mirror. Oddly, Dad's face looks stubbly, even more than before he supposedly got his shave. Why am I talking about this? Where is this movie going?
Eegah grabs Roxy. She tries to trick him into moving the entrance-rock by asking where he got the flowers he brought her. Eegah just stands there touching and grabbing Roxy all over, like he's a senator. She gives him the top button on her dress so as to take his attention away from her. Yeah great idea Roxy; I know if a nice-looking woman smiled and began undoing her dress for me I'd totally lose interest in her! Eegah takes the button and decides to try pulling the rest of them off of her. Grasping for another brilliant idea, Roxy points to her Dad, in order to have Eegah bring her outside for privacy. Eegah has his own idea about how to obtain privacy; he moves to club Dad's brains out but Roxy is able to stop him.
They get outside where Eegah roughly paws at her shoulders, like he wants to give her the worst massage ever. He rips off the top part of her dress and I guess Dad isn't even that creepy so he attacks Eegah. Dad quickly gets beaten up. Roxy screams, which draws the attention of useless Tom. Eegah pushes Roxy, who gently falls on the sand and passes out. Does Roxy share DNA with that rare breed of goats that faint all the time?
Eegah carries Roxy off while Tom reaches Dad. Dad tells Tom to rescue Roxy and presumably not to spend half the movie wandering around aimlessly this time. Upon catching up to Eegah Tom trades punches with him. After coming out of unconsciousness, Tom throws a stone which hits Eegah in the stomach, making him pass out. Was passing out some sort of epidemic condition in the sixties? By the time Eegah gets up, Tom and Roxy are well on their way back to the dune buggy, where Dad is waiting. They give Eegah time to catch up though, by lazily sauntering down the hill. All that's left is for Tom to whip out a guitar and start warbling some pap but thank God he doesn't.
They make it to the dune buggy but it won't start. Tom does a bit of work on the engine and they get moving. He explains that he "rigged it so nobody can steal it"!? Yeah, you know how high crime is out in those unpopulated desert regions. Anyway why would someone steal his lump of crap on wheels? I was amazed when I first saw it move!
Some more, well, suspense is manufactured by having the dune buggy get stuck in some sand. It's not so much an accident as it is a case of dumbass Tom trying to drive straight up a sandy hill, rather than gradually climbing. They get going and pull away from Eegah but wait! Tom did it again. For Christ's sake, we know they're gonna get away, can we just get to the point? Hey, I'm kinda proud of myself for not writing "get to the point" until now. Considering the film, that's an impressive achievement I think.
Our trio of rocket scientists finally gets away and makes it to the road. Tom spots Eegah from a distance and taunts him by yelling "So long, high pockets!" Ooh, you got served, Eegah! Roxy wears a look of sympathy; perhaps in her mind she's weighing the ups and downs of having a relationship in a cave with Eegah or staying put with the idiot turd she's sitting next to, not to mention creepozoid Daddy.
Eventually Eegah makes it back to his cave and mumbles in a sorrowful tone. He mumbles some incoherent but likely pathetic stuff to the mummies, who are surely glad to be dead for this moment. Eegah whimpers and smells Roxy's blanket, then holds it for the mummies to smell!?! He then sadly stares at his laughable painting of Roxy's car. Having made up his mind, or having made up whatever it is that's bouncing between his ears, he heads back outside to do... something. Not to be outdone by Tom, Eegah proves that he too can waste time wandering around. We watch him walk for about 45 seconds of sheer... walking.
