Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo
The Electros grab some nunchucks and… dance with them. To defend themselves from this brazen display of force, our heroes grab some trash can lids while everyone continues to dance. Our heroes dance a little too closely to the Electros for comfort, I guess, which leads the Electros to retreat to their colorfully spray-painted car. The head Electro signals the end of this fight, I think, by angrily slamming a spray paint bottle into a garbage can and they drive off. Just by reading this, you might think it was just another silly scene from the movie, but to witness it… I probably looked like the opening-night audience after seeing the first number from "Springtime for Hitler".
Back in the third dimension, Douglas observes while his surveyor takes pictures and measurements outside the community center. Douglas makes some disparaging remarks about all of the "street kids". I'm sorry; forgot to warn you about the harsh language. The aforementioned jerri-curled kindergartener walks over, greets them and asks some innocent questions. Without provocation, Douglas shoves the little kid and I must admit, it was funny as hell, though I'm sure the filmmakers weren't going for that reaction. Old man Byron and Ozone confront Douglas as they have your typical verbal battle of impoverished indignation versus wealthy smugness.
Next we see Ozone and Turbo back at their one-room plumbing-free shack. Sneering girl walks in and wants to speak to Ozone alone. It turns out they used to be an item, but as Ozone says, "…that was a long time ago". He asks her what she wants and she says, "I want you to stay away from that girl!" meaning Kelly. Let me mention here how awful the actress playing the sneering girl is; it can't be good for a performer if people can tell you're tone deaf simply by hearing you talk.
During this time Turbo runs over to the park, where the girl he likes dances on stage every day at all hours, it would seem. Obviously, there was a crystal-meth subplot going on that got deleted from the final cut. Again, he and the girl dance and smile at each other which leads to nothing as he goes away.
Having returned to the shack, Turbo asks Ozone for dating advice. This leads to Turbo practicing his speech and mannerisms on a big female doll. Why do they own a giant female doll? Just for such occasions as these I guess; I'd hate to think of another reason why. Turbo and Ozone take turns dancing with the doll. This movie is getting so goofy I'm starting to think it was produced in Spain. For some reason, Turbo starts hallucinating that the doll is the girl he likes and then is Kelly. Ozone begins having the same hallucinations and they begin fighting over the doll. They wind up tearing the doll apart and playfully dance with each other. I guess the neighborhood got napalmed with the mushrooms again. Fucking LAPD.
Cut to a theater where Kelly is auditioning. Judging by her moves and the outfit she's wearing, I'm starting to think the stage show in Paris she's up for actually involves a small, round stage with a pole in the middle of it and the scent of chicken wings in the air. Anyway, her agent tells her she did a great job and feels she has a good shot at winning the part.
At home, Kelly tells her parents the good news. Mom seems supportive, but Dad still acts like his soup got pissed in. Dad complains to Mom that Kelly's "back in the streets… with that Bozo… or Turbine!". Bitchy as he gets, you have to admit, he's not lying. Kelly storms out and goes for a walk with Ozone. He and Kelly commiserate about the community center. Kelly offers her father's help, but Ozone is too proud to take a handout. Kelly says its okay and invites Ozone over for dinner to discuss it.
No one likes gang shootings, until you consider the alternative...
Racial harmony does have its downside...
I know she's not much to look at, but she's the best actress in the movie.
Next we see Kelly, Ozone and Turbo pulling into Mom and Dad's driveway. In the background we hear what sounds like chamber music. This is stuff that was played centuries ago, when guys were slugging each other with maces. I don't even know where the sound is coming from; maybe Kelly's parents blast it into the neighborhood. I guess the music is supposed to drive home the point that Kelly's parents are super-rich, but we already know that. Regardless, do even rich people listen to this music? Ever?
Inside, Kelly introduces Ozone and Turbo to her mother, who seems hesitant but remains open-minded. For this special dinner, Ozone appears to have dressed like he belongs to a Village People tribute band. Turbo looks a bit more conservative in his majorette's uniform. It turns out Michael Jackson wasn't the only person who attempted to turn school band uniforms into formalwear.
Kelly's ex, rich brat Derek shows up next, dressed in a Pee-Wee Herman outfit complete with red bow tie. It seems Dad invited Derek to dinner in an attempt to have him reunite with Kelly. Ozone and Turbo 'comically' (using the term loosely) inspect him. Derek speaks with that old Mid-Atlantic accent spoken by people like Margaret Dumont, the lady the Marx Brothers always used to pester. Other than that, I think the only person who still spoke that way in 1984 was George Plimpton.
Dad shows up with a big smile and disses Ozone and Turbo to greet and chat with Derek. Can this movie beat us over the head with this whole rich/poor routine any harder? Seated at dinner, Turbo looks apprehensive at his plate of food; eventually we learn that its some sort of calamari soup. Hardy har har, rich people eat strange stuff all the time and think its normal for everyone!
Kelly starts to discuss the community center's financial problems when Derek butts in and says "Those people can't stay out of trouble no matter what you do for them." I think Derek is talking about poor people, but the same could be said for Golan/Globus productions. Kelly takes offense at Derek but then Dad chimes in, saying that dinner was just a set-up in order to get some money from him for the center. Call him all the names you want, but know that, once again, he doesn't lie! Dad chastises Ozone, telling him that he spends money on "drugs, fancy clothes and cars!". Turbo and Ozone have had enough and walk out, the dinner ending in what the English might call a big "cock-up".
The next day Turbo approaches Kelly at the park. It looks like his dream girl isn't around today; she likely collapsed from her hundred-hour dance marathon. Turbo asks Kelly how to approach his dream girl. Kelly tells him, "say yes!" Gee, thanks Kelly. Maybe Turbo would be better off consulting a nearby tree.
The Council of White People issued a formal apology for this.
Kelly's sage advice in mind, Turbo does what you would expect anyone in this film to do; that's right, he goes home and breakdances. Here is the film's famous 'dance on the ceiling' scene; it looks like they used the same rotating room Lionel Ritchie used for his own ceiling dancing video. This was back when Lionel was more famous as a singer than as a stepfather to a dipshit daughter. Anyway, I have to admit, even though this dancing scene REALLY makes no sense, it's well-executed and entertaining. OKAY, MOVIE? THERE! Don't get cocky on me, though! This is the first scene in the damn film that doesn't make me retch and it took 48 minutes to get there.
While Turbo dances, his dream girl shows up. They get close and Turbo kisses her. She kisses him with all the passion of K.D. Lang kissing a raw roast beef and the enthusiasm of a small white guy entering the prison shower for the first time. I swear, dream girl's lips are shut so tight she could smash amoebas with them.
At the nightclub, Ice-T raps on stage. Years later, he'd take some heat over his song "Cop Killer", but for now he's more like an 'ear killer'. He doesn't do the viewers' eyes any favors either, with a shirt that looks like it was made from fancy dog leashes. Turbo is there with his dream girl. The Electros are there. Ozone enters the club and walks over to the Electro leader. Ozone asks for a truce, which is odd, since I didn't know their goofy dance-off and staredowns from earlier could be considered combat. Anyway, Ozone pleads his case that they all have to band together to save the neighborhood. Electro leader disses him, saying, "Don't lay the jive on me, man, I don't need it!" so I guess their epic dance and stare war will continue. Oh the humanity!
Kelly practices for "Breakin' 3: Electric Hookeroo"
