Bad Movie Buff August review page 1

August is a film set during the latter days of the techie stock collapse, when investors finally realized that most internet-related companies were wildly overvalued. One such company was 'theGlobe.com'. This company went public in 1998, its stock price skyrocketed and the company was worth hundreds of millions of dollars based on word of mouth. Stephan Paternot, one of the company's founders, soon became a poster-boy for snotty young dot-com millionaires by flaunting his virtual wealth and acting like an obnoxious party animal. By mid-2000, it became pretty clear that companies such as his were little more than fronts. Shares of theGlobe.com became worthless and Paternot was bought out for a pittance.

        If those few sentences about Paternot and theGlobe.com leave you hungering for a loosely-based movie adaptation, then you find this stuff far more interesting than I do. Before you consider renting it though, know that the film offers basically nothing more than what I described in my first six sentences. In fact, take my first paragraph, stretch it to an hour and a half, and that's your movie.

        I shouldn't get on lead actor Josh Hartnett's case for this film, though, as the script is the real culprit. Lots of allegedly hip, techie words are shoehorned into the dialogue and we never get a sense of how the lead, an annoying young snot, ever convinced anyone to hand him so much as a dollar in the first place. Writer Howard Rodman supplies the predictable verbiage while Director Austin Chick supplies the boring gray scenery.

         The film opens with a newscast to establish that it's 2001. Pictures of George the Lesser's first presidential inauguration are seen as well as Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman, before Tom started sporting the tin foil hats. We wind up switching to a business news report, where the interviewee is our main character Tom, played by Josh Hartnett. Hartnett, to those unaware, is the male version of Julia Ormond; someone continually shoved down audiences' throats as a headliner despite generating less heat than an ice cube.

        Anyway, Tom (along with computer-whiz brother Joshua) heads a tech company called "LandShark", a company whose stock value has dramatically risen since going public. Tom is asked if his company has long-term 'traction'; Tom smugly corrects him by stating that 'traction' implies his company is a vehicle, when his company is in fact 'the entire road.' No, Tom will not become any less irritating over the course of the film.

        Later, we see Tom at one of those parties in dark techno clubs that all young New Yorkers in movies are required to attend. He looks expressionless (well, Hartnett always does, but particularly so here) while sitting in a bathroom near some blonde woman with an equally blank stare. No, there isn't any explanation. He networks with some other young, annoying folks then emerges into the light of morning to drive off in his classic muscle car.

        Meanwhile, responsible brother Joshua sits in a conference room with three other people in suits. Joshua has been calling Tom's cellphone constantly, to no avail. The suits in the room represent another company negotiating with LandShark about some sort of money or cooperative... let's just say business deal; this business-oriented film is oddly vague about business details and for that matter, what LandShark actually does. This is probably intentional, in an effort to emphasize how vapid most internet start-ups were, but I'd think some specifics would be brought up at a business conference. Just throw us a bone once in a while, guys!

        He continues with the hip nonsense: "What you want is E; not E commerce, not E business, pure E... Josh knows E and I know E." Tom's speechifying would be reminiscent of Alec Baldwin's in Glengarry Glen Ross, if Glengarry Glen Ross had been written by David Mamet when he was 7 years old and concussed. If I were meeting with Tom, his drivel would convince me he has no idea what the hell he's doing. This is a movie, however, so the three suits agree to hand him a pile of money instead of telling him to piss up a rope. Alone, Tom bitches at Joshua for displaying a conciliatory nature to the suits. This feels similar to when Michael Corleone castigated Fredo, the only exception being that Godfather II was fairly interesting.

        Joshua heads home to his young wife and child because he's a swell guy. Tom heads to the office, where his assistant Melanie exposits that they still have four weeks before they can sell any of their stock and thus have real wealth. Tom brushes off her worries. Later, Tom visits a pricey restaurant with a girlfriend. He moans to another assistant, Dylan, about how he wants to buy a Gulfstream jet, pointing out that even "fucking (Jeff) Bezos", owns one. I guess the screenwriter is more of an Ebay.com than Amazon.com fan. Tom's afraid that by not owning a Gulfstream he won't be considered 'big league'. Actually, Tom, starting up a company that doesn't actually do anything prevents you from being 'big league'. Because New York in film is only the size of eight city blocks, Tom's ex-girlfriend Sarah (Naomie Harris) walks by. They exchange some awkward words, leading him into a shitty, er, shittier mood. His girlfriend asks what he wants to do that night, but Tom doesn't even say a word to her and dumps her off in a taxi. Somehow, I don't think I'm going to feel a sense of tragedy when Tom's wealth goes down the tubes.

        While listening to more migraine-inducing techno music, we watch Tom drive and smoke. At home, we watch him sit around in deep thought... or maybe he has a migraine from the soundtrack... maybe he's sleepy; watching Josh Hartnett, one can never be sure. He moves to his computer to send chat to his brother Joshua. He types "Hey bro, howzit?" At home, Joshua conveniently checks his computer for messages immediately. He answers, "I'm fine how's bayou?" Stunned by this cunning rejoinder, Tom writes back, "fine". Then this thrilling scene comes to an end, so that viewers with weak hearts may recover.

Tom eventually shows up outside the conference room. He's dressed casually, so the secretary asks if she can help him. Rather than say "hello" or state his identity, he gets in her face and orders a tall skinny latte, like the douche he is.

He goes in and, when asked for a proposal, blusters phrases such as "We are who we are, the brand speaks for itself" and "Nobody does what we do". Tom objects to one of the suit's apprehensive remarks: "that's so third-quarter '99!" I don't think even an ass like Tom would utter such a corny line in real life, but doesn't it sound so hip? Don't answer.